I used to want it all. I was going to stay home with the kids, I was going to homeschool. Every night I was going to have a hot, nutritious dinner on the table every night while taking online classes. I was going to get my degree in elementary education and be a kindergarten teacher after my youngest child went to first grade. In the mean time I was going to use my education to make sure my kids were the most well-rounded, most prepared, most independent kids in the school. 

yeah, that hasn't exactly happened. But, even though my life isn't exactly what I planned (after all, Devon was supposed to be in it) it's still pretty good. I'm not going to lie, there are hours, and even days when I wish I could trade places or trade lives. Like yesterday when Nate was supposed to be putting the water beads away, but instead he dumped them. And instead of picking them up, he ground them into the carpet. But, even as I'm seething and fantasizing about a house that's clean, kids that listen and dinner that cooks itself, I don't really think I'd trade it for anything. Especially when Nate sees how frustrated I am, and he knows he's in trouble so he does something sweet. Yesterday, after the water beads incident, he came upstairs waving a photo he had stashed in his room. At first I was angry because I've done several sweeps of his room to get all the photos safely stored in albums and with my scrapbooking stuff. Then I saw the picture. I was wearing a hospital gown. I was exhausted, drugged and my eyes were glazed. Dan was standing next to me, smiling and excited. That picture was from the day Nate was born (after only 20 hours of labor, the stinker)

Courtney is here!

I have a ton of catching up to do on the blog, but for now I'm just going to focus on one important person. Courtney Diane Anderson is here. She was born at 9:51pm on Thursday, February 3rd, 2011. She was 8lbs, 12oz (at 38 weeks!) and 21.5 inches long.

Whew, where to start? We knew that she was going to be a big girl. Nate was a chunky monkey too, and at her 26 week ultrasound, she was already measuring over 6lbs. Doing the mental math, and accounting for machine error, I was looking at a 9.5-10lb baby! So, we had a couple more ultrasounds than usual to track her weight gain. Not that I minded, I LOVED seeing pictures of my sweet baby! Dan and Nate came to each ultrasound, and Nate seemed to really enjoy seeing pictures of Baby Sister. At 37 weeks, she was still looking pretty big, so we scheduled an amnio to see if her lungs were developed enough to induce. She was, so yay!

We were scheduled to come in on Thursday at 3pm, but at 9am I got a call from the hospital. They were running ahead of schedule and said I could come in early....as soon as I was ready! So I made few phone calls to find a sitter for Nate-he ended up hanging out with Ashley Coon and her girls, then spent the night with Suzanne over at Dad's house-took a shower, and headed over here. By 10:30 I was checking in. The labor itself was pretty uneventful. I got the pictocin, they broke my water, and I got the epidural. On the plus side, I didn't have an annoying extra guest in the room talking about World of Warcraft this time. It was just me and Dan all day. I did get loopy goofy from the epi, as usual. But I don't think I was too bad. Mostly I just looked at Dan and said "we're having a baby" in a really sappy voice. Oh, and I apologized for forgetting to start a pot roast in the slow cooker. Dan looked at me like I was nuts and actually may have told me I was nuts to be thinking about that right then. The nurse (Lois) smiled and told him to let me worry about the roast, that way I wasn't worrying about the labor. She was awesome! Bob the student nurse was cool, but less awesome. It took way too long and way too many sticks to get my IV in. I was not a fan of that particular process. But he did good, and he had a great patient rapport. I think he'll do well. He wants to be an ER nurse. But back to baby. She was sunny side up, just like Nate. But she turned really easily. I only had to push for 25min with her, and most of that was getting her turned around. Dan watched her crown, and he claims that he was exaggerating his reaction/facial expression for my benefit. But I saw what I saw. He got such a sweet look of awe on his face. I even saw him a couple of times when I was pushing and he thought my eyes were closed.

She was beautiful. Even though she was covered in that waxy vermix stuff. They put her right on my chest and let me hold her while Dan cut the cord. Then they left her there for a couple min. and just let me hold her and be weepy for a while. The boys both had lung issues, so I didn't get that chance with them. Devon had the meconium in his fluid, so they had to whisk him away and suction him; and Nate had the cord wrapped around his neck and needed a couple of min. of oxygen right away. She was perfect. She scored an 8, then a 9 on her APGARs, my highest scoring baby! :) And the only reason she scored an 8 at first is she didn't want to cry. She kept giving this tiny, mewing little whimper. Even when she got her first shot, and later, her first bath, she never cried. Such a mellow, happy little girl. Right off the bat she was alert and attentive too. Her little eyes were open, taking everything in. I feel so blessed to have her in our family. During the pregnancy, I got a blessing and was told that Heavenly Father chose her specifically to be a part of our family and that she is one of his choicest daughters. I was also blessed to know that Courtney is going to be with us for years and years, and that Heavenly Father knows what we've been through, and is watching out for us, and mindful of the trials we have been through. It is such a comfort, and really helps me to think of Heavenly Father as a solicitous parent. He knows what we've been though. He let us find our way through, gave us space to grow and learn; but at the same time, he wanted to help us and make it better. Now that it's past, He is watching over us closely and doing what He can for us. I can totally see my Dad doing the same thing. It's what a good parent does. Children can't be isolated or protected from hurts or trouble. But, you give what support you can and watch extra close and remove what pain you can. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does in my sleep deprived brain.

As I type this out, Courtney is almost 26 hours old. She has had her hearing screen and passed with flying colors. She is about to be weighed again, and have her PKU stick :(. She is a champion nurser, but a reluctant burper. She spits up because she holds her burps in, just like Nate did. Actually, I just had to take a break from typing because she was fussing again, and needed to burp. That was pretty much the only reason she cried today. But let me tell you, she has a set of lungs on her when she wants to be heard. Other times, she just whimpers and whines. Dan started calling her "Kitty" because he was holding her and she kept making these mewling little whimpers. He said she sounded like a kitten :) He is so smitten with his daughter. You can see it in his face whenever he holds her. I can't say that I blame him. I'm pretty taken with her as well.

But that's nothing compared to Nate's reaction to Baby Sister. He is so stinkin cute. But I'll save that for another post. It's late and I'm sleepy

What we've been up to

I have not been very good about keeping this blog up to date. Truth be told though, there isn't really a lot to report. We are still trying to buy a house. Hopefully things start to turn around on that front. Dan is still in school, enjoying his summer school professor much more than the professor who taught his programming class during the regular school year. He is doing so much better and is much less stressed than the first time he took the class.
Nate is getting so big! For Father's Day we made a build a bear monkey named Mikey. I recorded Nate saying "I love you" and put it inside. Dan LOVED it! He almost cried when we gave it to him. So I'm counting that as a win :) Nate is getting to be a little chatterbox. He says Mom, Daddy, Elara, please, thank you, up, down, cookie, chickee (chicken), hi, bye, Jesus, amen, NO, yes, treat, fishie, doggie, go; he roars like a lion, growls like a dragon, and says more stuff that I can't think of right now. He is getting very talkative and is really good at expressing himself and his desires. Oh, and he also says soda. That's not one of my favorites. I actually wish that he didn't know that one.
He is loving nursery and church. He doesn't put toys in his mouth as much as he used to :) and he will now sit still and fold his arms during prayers. He is so darn cute. When we have family prayers, I pause, saying "in the name of....." and he looks up and exclaims "Jesus" then I pick back up again, and he says amen. He also loves to look through his books and find pictures of Jesus and fishies. He is a young man of varied interests.
I love watching Nate grow. He is such a goof. And he is determined and smart. He finds ways to achieve his goals. Some goals that I object to are climbing onto the pool table, climbing onto the counter to get cookies, climbing out of his high chair, climbing into or out of his crib and catching Princess. You may have noticed a theme there. Climbing is one of Nate's favorite ways to pass the time. He and Elara play very well together. They also scheme together very well. One day they had been climbing onto the pool table and throwing the balls. I kept getting after them, and eventually took the picnic table -their means of climbing onto the table- putting it in the kitchen and closing the door. The kids worked together. They each took one end of the table and walked it through the dining room, down the hall, and back to the pool table. They're smart and they're organized. Watching them together makes me kind of glad I didn't have twins. I don't know how well I would do in that particular situation.
We are currently preparing for the Anderson Family Reunion. This weekend will be nuts. Friday I am headed up to Show Low for Uncle Chet's funeral. Saturday we are cleaning the church building and going to Ricky's (Nate's friend from swim class last year) birthday party. Then Sunday, after church we leave for the reunion! Yay! I am looking forward to seeing Tim, Diane, Kami, Sara, Jack, Madi and P.J. Nate is getting excited too. I don't know that he really knows what's happening, but I keep showing him pictures of family members and he likes that. Plus, whenever I talk about the reunion or camping I put on my best excited face and that gets him pretty jazzed too.

living scriptures

there's a cool giveaway. For posting a link to their facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/livingscriptures

I love Living Scriptures. Dev had 2 DVDs and really enjoyed them. Now that Nate is getting a little bigger, I'll be getting some more. Way better than Elmo, or Curious George. After all, these are good, solid gospel lessons. :-)

remembering Grandpa Adams

Hey everyone. I started up a new blog for Grandpa Adams. It's:
rememberwhen-orsonglen.blogspot.com
My intention here is that we can all share our stories and memories of Grandpa Adams, and his family members. Because I love to reminisce and to share stories, and I would LOVE for Nate to know how important his great-grandpa was to me, even though he won't be able to meet him in this life. And, I like to hear stories that other people have about him. It's interesting, to me, to know the "other sides of Grandpa".
A few years ago at the family reunion, I won the dollar raffle prize. It was a geneology cd. Well, I was looking at it last night and came across a funny story from Grandpa's childhood. I'll put that on his blog later tonight. But it got me thinking, and it was the inspiration for my new blogging endeavor.
I want everyone to be able to be a contributor, so if you send me your email address, I'll "give permission" and hopefully we'll all be able to share.

and now I can talk about it

Well, it is now Monday. Yesterday was not as terrible as I feared it would be. It got off to a rocky start and I did NOT want to get my butt up and go to church. I did though, mainly because I hadn't set up a sub to teach our class. Dan and Nate stayed home and I headed off to Primary. I didn't even go to Sacrament meeting, just Primary.
Today is one of those days that makes me so grateful for my calling. The primary kids are great, and I love their sweet Spirit. For me, it's easy to feel the Spirit so very strongly when I'm around the kiddos. And today that was my saving grace. I did fall apart a little and had to dash off to the bathroom during singing time. "How could the Father tell the world of sacrifice, of death? He sent His Son to die for us, and rise with living breath." The sound of a room full of sweet children's voices singing those words really got to me. And when I had composed myself and walked back into the Primary room, Anna took me back into the hall and gave me a hug. And that simple gesture of friendship was enough to help me get through the rest of sharing time. By the time church was over I was feeling so much better and so much stronger. Then Brita sought me out to make sure that I knew that I was in her thoughts today. It was great to feel so loved and so supported today. And it was what I needed.
As I was about to head out, I remembered that I needed to write down a phone number to schedule an appointment to renew my Temple Recommend, and luckily was able to catch brother Haws as he was headed out. He did my interview right then and there. And when he asked me if I have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I cried. And said yes. Today the Atonement touches me in a very special way. It's not focused on as much, but Christ suffered not only to atone for the sins of mankind, but more importantly, to feel every pain and hurt so that He can empathize and comfort us in our sorrows.
After church Dan and I took Nate out for a fun filled day. We kept really busy and he had a great time. All of a sudden I was struck with the thought that we should take some flowers to the cemetery for Emma. The thought just popped into my head, so I made the suggestion to Dan. We had the hardest time with that. Not just emotionally, though that was rough too. But logistically as well. I had never been there, and Dan hasn't been back since the funeral 3 years ago. So we called mom & dad to get a general idea, but still couldn't find the plot. So we called Justin & Sara. Turns out the marker hasn't been placed yet, but Dan found the general vicinity. There were 2 unmarked plots next to each other. So I pretended that one was for Dev. I didn't realize at the time how difficult it would be for me, not knowing where he was buried. I am glad that we went, and I am glad that things worked out the way they did.
Afterward we took Nate to the park and let him run around for a while. It was an emotionally draining day, but much better than it could have been. Then, this evening while I was sitting at the computer I heard voices outside the door. At first I thought it was Suzanne, but no one came in, and then there was a knock at the door. Imagine my surprise when I opened it to let the Gregg family in. Anna and the kids had walked over with cards and hand drawn pictures for Dan and me. Pictures of our family with 2 little boys playing together. I have pictures and drawings of my family with Dan Nate and I, and I have a beautiful picture that Sidney gave us after the accident of Dan, Devon and I standing outside the Temple. But tonight was the first time I saw a picture with my two boys together. And even now, just thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes. I can't begin to say how special that was to me. The love and support that has been extended to me today has helped me so much.

today is the day

ok, so it's almost tomorrow. Which means that tomorrow is almost today. And when tomorrow is today it will be the day. And the day is a Tuesday, just like it used to be. And I don't want today to be tomorrow. I don't want it to be the Tuesday day. It still hurts. And it still sucks. And it's year 3. And it's year 6. And it hurts. And it sucks. And I don't like it. And I just want it to be the day after tomorrow. And then the day after the next Day. And then the day after the next Day. But I don't want it to be the day after the next Day because that's the last Day and then it's more days than Days. And it doesn't seem right. This year has been full of Days. The day that the tide turned and someone else officially had more Days. And now the Day that there are more days than Days. When does this stop sucking? Why does it have to suck? Why do these stupid Days keep coming? I wish I could just skip them all