I used to want it all. I was going to stay home with the kids, I was going to homeschool. Every night I was going to have a hot, nutritious dinner on the table every night while taking online classes. I was going to get my degree in elementary education and be a kindergarten teacher after my youngest child went to first grade. In the mean time I was going to use my education to make sure my kids were the most well-rounded, most prepared, most independent kids in the school. 

yeah, that hasn't exactly happened. But, even though my life isn't exactly what I planned (after all, Devon was supposed to be in it) it's still pretty good. I'm not going to lie, there are hours, and even days when I wish I could trade places or trade lives. Like yesterday when Nate was supposed to be putting the water beads away, but instead he dumped them. And instead of picking them up, he ground them into the carpet. But, even as I'm seething and fantasizing about a house that's clean, kids that listen and dinner that cooks itself, I don't really think I'd trade it for anything. Especially when Nate sees how frustrated I am, and he knows he's in trouble so he does something sweet. Yesterday, after the water beads incident, he came upstairs waving a photo he had stashed in his room. At first I was angry because I've done several sweeps of his room to get all the photos safely stored in albums and with my scrapbooking stuff. Then I saw the picture. I was wearing a hospital gown. I was exhausted, drugged and my eyes were glazed. Dan was standing next to me, smiling and excited. That picture was from the day Nate was born (after only 20 hours of labor, the stinker)