A Letter to Nate

My dear, sweet boy,

I wanted to take a minute out of our day to tell you that I love you. And I have loved you ever since your daddy and I found out that you were going to come join our family, almost a year ago. I have watched you grow, both prenatally, and in the short month you've been alive. And I have loved you the whole time. Even when you wake me up for the third time in an hour just to snack for five minutes and go back to sleep. And when I ask Daddy to hold you because you're making me crazy, it's because I don't want to lose my temper and raise my voice at you. It's not your fault that you cry. I know that's the only way you can verbally communicate. And while I'm getting more patience everyday, I still have a ways to go. But I still love you. I enjoy hearing your sweet coos and happy gurgles. I like making silly faces and monster faces with you. When you make happy faces at me, and I can see your milk stained tongue, it melts my heart; it makes me proud of myself for making you such good, yummy, Mommy Milk. I enjoy spending time with you, even if all we do is cuddle on the couch. You have grown and changed so much in such a short time. One month and a day ago you were born. You scored a 4 or 5 on your 1 minute APGAR. Your skin was pale white, you were in shock from the delivery, and you needed oxygen. 5 minutes later, you had gotten the oxygen you needed, your color was much better, you were crying, and you scored a 9 on your APGAR. You weighed 9 pounds, and 1.8 ounces. You were 20 inches tall. Yesterday you were one month old. Your beautiful eyes have changed from blue with some brown in them to all blue. I guess Grammy's and Grandpa Adams's light colored eye genes won out over Mommy and Daddy's brown eyes. At your well baby check up, you made happy faces at the doctor, and didn't pee on her this time. You squiggled and squirmed on the exam table, making it hard to see that you had grown to 23.25 inches tall, and 11 pounds, 7.5 ounces. You don't fit into the cute little outfit that you came home from the hospital in; as a matter of fact, your daddy dressed you in a 3month outfit earlier this week, and it fit!
And when I put you down for tummy time, please don't think I'm being mean. I know that I usually lay you with your head facing one way, then sit or lay on the opposite side of you. I'm not trying to frustrate you, I just want to encourage you to lift and turn your head. When you make it, I am so happy for you, and for the progress you're making. Tonight you even looked like you were trying to get your knees under yourself. That's one of the first steps towards crawling! I just want you to grow and develop, and be a happy boy.
This afternoon, when I was holding you, singing softly, you reached out and grabbed my finger. Your grip was so strong I had a hard time prying my finger out of your grasp. I hope that you will keep your strength. My hope for you is that you will be strong physically, mentally, strong of character, of will, and strong in your faith. I believe wholeheartedly that right now you have a recollection of the preexistance and that you're probably stronger in faith than I am because you can still remember what it was like to be in the presence of our Heavenly Father. As you grow, and as you forget what you used to know, it will be your daddy's and my responsibility to teach you what is required to return to live with Him, and with us, and your big brother again.
I will also try my best to tell you about your big brother. He was a sweet, sweet boy, and it makes my heart ache that you won't get a chance to meet him on Earth. I don't know if you met him before you came to us, but I suspect that you did.
It's not just me who loves you either. Your Aunt Suzanne, Grandpa, and Uncle Spencer all light up when they get to see you. Your Grammy, and Aunt Sara were so excited to come visit you, and they ask about you every chance you get. Everyone else who hasn't gotten to meet you yet, is anxiously awaiting their chance, and asking about you, asking for pictures of you, and telling me how cute and how sweet you look. There are people in this world who would walk through fire for you, who haven't even met you yet.
As for Daddy and me, we love you and we will do everything in our power to give you what you need and what you want to be a happy, healthy, spiritual, well adjusted, righteous, young man. It makes me happy to know that loud noises startle you. That shows me that you aren't exposed to lots of yelling. You know that your parents love you, and we love each other. I fully expect that you and your siblings will grow up in a home filled with love and happiness. A home where shouting and arguing are not the norm. That is my promise to you, my sweet boy.

With all the love my heart can hold,

Mommy