I've realized something troubling about myself lately. I have little patience lately, and am very easily annoyed. I'm not pleased that the cats wake my every morning by whining loudly to be fed, even though their bowl isn't quite empty yet, and once I do feed them they look at their bowl and run off to play. And I find myself quite annoyed when the kittens rub up against my legs, begging for attention. I love it when they play together, or even when they're annoying the dog because that means that they aren't bugging me for food or water or attention, or love. Their total dependence on me for all their physical and most of their emotional needs is tiresome. And when they run underfoot, I'm likely to kick them out of the way before they trip me up. And I have no pity for them when they run underfoot and get stepped on.
I also don't have as much patience with my husband right now. I used to be willing to do simple things like get him a glass of water before bed. Now if he asks, I'm more likely to mutter under my breath and grumpily ask why he he can't do it himself. And if I'm already about to lay down myself, I may even throw something at him! And if he asks me where something is, and can't find it-despite my detailed explanation of exactly where it is-I'm now more likely to ignore a second request for direction, or just say too bad, find it yourself.
These traits are beginning to concern me. I have a baby coming in a month or less. And being resentful of small creatures that depend totally on me, is not a sign of good things to come. And annoyance/anger at the need to get up when I'm about to lay down, or to get up in the middle of the night is not going to serve me well with a nursing infant. Cause I can't even get Dan to get up for that one, it's all on me. Also disturbing is my total lack of concern/pity/empathy for small creatures' pain/discomfort.
Needless to say, some things are going to have to change
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2 comments:
No worries Rachel. I am the same way when I am pregnant. After the baby is born its like a total aha moment when I realize, "oh am I kinda nice sometimes, aren't I?" Hang in there! Tell Dan to hang in there too...it will all be over soon!
Ok, so Justin and I were totally cracking up. I wouldn't worry though, you are one of the most nurturing people I have ever met and when little Nate comes along I know that you will be an amazing mommy. I was laughing because I am kind of the same way right now, I think it is just being gigantically pregnant it hardwires you to be hateful. :)
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