My mom

As most people know by now, Dan and I will be welcoming a new addition to our family this fall. One person who doesn't know is my mom. I guess it just hasn't come up in conversation lately. Mainly because we don't have conversations. I haven't spoken to her since before Christmas-though I did get her a lovely sweater- and haven't had an actual conversation with her since a few days before Dan and I got married last year. Now I know that the mature, responsible, Christ-like thing to do is swallow my own anger/pride, knock on her door and have a face-to-face conversation (again, a feat not attempted since the wedding, though that one wasn't so nice...I did see the back of her head at one of Spencer's football games though) with her and let her know that her grandchild will be born.
However, I struggle to even keep a few resolutions, and this may be out of my Christ-like league. I can foresee a couple possible reactions from her:
1. She will get angry and yell (possibly call me a no so nice word that really wouldn't be appropriate since Dan and I are married, and no money was exchanged). She may call Danny the same loving term of endearment that she bellowed at our wedding, and ask if he's going to strike again.
or
2. She may decide just like that everything is forgotten, and she loves me, and she wants to be there. And the next time I piss her off, we get another lovely scene. Because in scenario two, the foundation for a relationship is very fragile, it's built on sand, not on a rock. So, a few years down the line when I think we're actually close, I get a few more months crying in a stranger's office as she jots down notes.
or
3. She says "so?" and slams the door in my face. Which, in spite of everything, is the worst possible case scenario. I guess that no matter what you never give up hope. I guess I just don't want confirmation that my own mother really doesn't give a tiny rat's behind. Actually that possibility scares me the most because the opposite of love is not hate~it's apathy.

You may ask, "Rachel, why are you so preoccupied with this right now? You have months to figure out what you want to do. You're only 8 weeks along, don't you have other things on your mind?"
The answer is: I think I'm supposed to be raising my Christ-like bar. I'm still pretty new to the Church, so I'm still having lots of new experiences. Like this past Sunday when I walked up to the front of the Chapel on a first Sunday of a month. And let me tell you, when I get a prompting that I need to do something that will help me grow, if I don't wanna (which I usually don't-spiritual growth is HARD!) I fight it. The moment we walked into the church building and I realized what day it was, I got a feeling I spent the rest of Sacrament meeting trying to ignore. But in the end, Dan and even the baby got in on the action, and I made the long, long, long walk to the front. And as I was talking about eternal families (a principal that I believe in deeply) I suddenly began to talk about my mom. And how we are lucky because families can be together forever. So death can't stop our relationships. We have eternity to wrinkle out our differences (I'm assuming worthiness here). And I actually brought up my mom and said it may take most of eternity, but I will have the chance to be close with my mom. I didn't even realize that I wanted that. But now I can't get the thought out of my head.
Crazy, huh? Well, I guess I can blame the pregnancy hormones for that!