impatience

I know that patience is a virtue, but I can't hold it in any longer. I have really cool, awesome news that I am just absolutly bursting to tell. And I was trying oh so very hard to wait even just a little longer, but I find that I cannot. However, I also do not want to just blurt it out here on my blog either. So here's the deal. If you want to know my really cool, awesome news give me a call and I'll spill the beans. And in a week or two or three I'll post it anyway. Probably sooner than that, but I'll try to hold out as long as I can!

Over the river and through the woods.....

We're off to Grandma's!!!!! Yay! I haven't seen Grandma since Thanksgiving, and I"ve been looking forward to this all week! We could have been on our way already but I guess some people have school and unlike me, they won't ditch. I don't know why; it's so easy. All you have to do is make sure you don't run into the teacher after missing 12 consecutive classes. Oh well, at least I know we'll be on our way in a short three and a half hours. Dad wants to take his new toy out and test it in the rugged outdoors, and Joe (Suzanne's boyfriend) will finally meet Grandma Adams. And Spencer is coming too!!!!! yay! I don't get to see him much lately with all the stuff with our mom going on. So, this promises to be an interesting and fun filled adventure. And I've promised myself that I will not forget my camera, so Sunday or Monday I'll have pics to post and fun storys to share.

Monday Morning Inspiration

This is a new thing I'm trying out. My plan is that every Monday I will randomly flip through my scriptures, pick out a verse and share it (and what I get out of it) here with all of you. The catch is that it's just one verse, and without any backround information. Dan does this with me sometimes. He says that there are important messages in every indiviual verse of scripture.
Ready? On your mark, get set, scripture flip!!
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And the first weeky Monday Morning Inspiration is:
Alma 17:12
"And it came to pass that the hearts of the sons of Mosiah, and also those who were with them, took courage to go forth unto the Lamanites to declare unto them to word of God."
Here we see that the people (Mosiah's sons and companions) are preparing for missionary work, and in doing so they are muster up the courage to do what they need to do. I think this is very important because we, today, sometimes need a bit of courage to share the gospel or to answer friends' questions. I know that sometimes I get nervous about sharing what I believe, even with people I know. I worry that they'll think I'm weird, or nuts or that I'm being pushy and trying to convert them. So sometimes I just keep my mouth shut and let missionary opportunities pass me by. Or, when I do have conversations (especially at work) with others about what I believe I use phrases like, 'we' believe, or 'the Church teaches....' so I'm answering their questions and sharing my beliefs without acknowledging them as what my own such as: I believe, or what I KNOW.
So, here's my first Monday Morning Inspiration. Hope you enjoyed, we'll see how long this lasts, hopefully I don't lose interest too quickly.

Should I stay or should I go now??

Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it won't be double. So come on, let me know...Should I stay or should I go?

Great song. And highly pertinent. So, here's the situation:
Women's conference is coming up in a few months and mom, sara, kami and maybe cristi are going (my mil and sils) Last year we all went and it was AWESOME!!!! And I really want to go again. I mean, it was great to spend the time with family and also to be in that kind of environment right after the accident. And the talks were so uplifting and inspirational. Also, I don't get to see mom or kami a lot seeing as they live across the country. And if Justin accecpts Southern Illinois's offer I won't get much of an opportunity to spend time with Sara anymore seeing as she will live across the country.
Now onto the cons:
it's going to cost about $300-$400 in airfare, lodging, registration, food etc
I will be away from Dan for about 4-5 days (he has class and can't go)
And the number one reason is: I would have to leave on our one year anniversary.

Not sure when I became a "seamstress"

I'm not quite sure how or even when it happened, but apparently I have become known as a "seamstress". Because clearly my ability to cut fabric into small squares and then sew them into bigger squares qualifies me for that title.
It all started with my aunt Patty. She asked Suzanne and me to make her a dress for a semi-formal evening event she will be attending. Next Friday. And to top it off, she came to me not with a pattern, but with a 'vision'. And when I sent her out into the world (aka Joann) to find a pattern, the friendly, helpful sales girl filled her head with ideas of creating her own pattern.
"She said it's really easy, and she showed me how. So you should have no problem with it"
"ummmm"
"And I bought my fabric, so when do you want me to come over to drop it off?"
"ummmmm"
"it doesn't look too hard"
"ummm, ok"
"And if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world."
"(thinking to myself) well, that's a HUGE relief!"
So that will be an interesting adventure. And if anything even vaguely resembling an evening ensemble comes of it I'll post pics.

And a day or two after that, my dad came over with some work for "a talented seamstress". I knew I was in trouble when he asked how heavy duty of material my machine could sew through. Apparently the 'soft door' to his new jeep has some issues. On a 'soft door' you don't roll down the window, you unzip the flap (like a tent) and his passenger door's "window" zipper was coming unattached. And the pull tab is missing. So now I'm going to rip out the zipper, replace it (for both doors) and possible replace the Velcro that does....well, I'm not quite sure what. And the fun part about this project is that the metal piece that acts as the frame to the door is too big to fit under my machine foot, so I'll get to either do it completely by hand, or remove the foot, slide it under, and reattach the foot. I'm hoping the second option works, because I really don't want anything to do with the first! Again, if this project is vaguely successful, I will post pics later.

more late night ramblings

Doncha just love it when your sleep schedule gets off whack? Lately I've been getting up earlier, and taking a nap in the afternoon (like Jack, my one-year-old nephew). And speaking of Jack, yesterday was his birthday party. So I missed my nap what with all the merry-making, and frivolity and cake, and the dreaded clean-up. It's odd, but I'm actually more willing and motivated to clean other people's houses than I am to clean my own. Like right now I'm blogging instead of loading the dishwasher or putting in a load of laundry. But I digress. Yesterday when I finally got home, I was exhausted. Which Dan thinks is because I woke up too early and resisted his efforts to put me back to bed. So ten hours later, when I was sleepy again, he said
"See, I told you you should have gone back to bed."

"but I wasn't tired then"

"Yes you were, that's why you're tired now. You should listen to me. God says so."

"I know, but I really wasn't tired"

And the part about God saying so actually has some merit. Dan gave me a blessing and I was told to lean on my husband and depend on him to lead our family. So he uses that to make his point that I should listen to him. And I have to laugh, because usually what he's saying makes sense; I'm just too stubborn to admit it sometimes. But again, I digress.
So when we finally got home it was way too late for a nap. I tried to motivate myself to go out to the store and bank and whatnot, but that didn't happen either and I fell asleep at about 7:30pm. As you may be able to guess, that's waaaayyyyyyy to early to sleep for the night, and I woke up at midnight. Just in time to say family prayers, and for Dan to go to sleep. And that's why I'm subjecting the world to my ramblings at 4am.
The worst part about having such an off sleep schedule is the fact that there's really nothing to do at 4am. And no one else is awake, so you can't make plans, or pick up the phone to have a chat. And nothing but walmarts and gas stations are open so you can't run errands or go out to find some fun. And your body knows you should be asleep, so you're tired, but can't sleep.
Oh well, I guess it's time to at least try. If I'm lucky I'll sleep in, so I won't be exhausted at church, or pass out the moment I get home. I swear, I'm like a todler with my naps and crankyness.

Chocloate

I stand by my earlier and numerous statements. Chocolate is proof that God does in fact exist, and that he loves us. I wholeheartedly believe that. However, I have found that Satan has corrupted this wonderful gift. Because the more chocolate blessings I get, the more Satan turns the good to evil evil excess weight-esp. around the midsection.
I say, a pox on Satan and his evil ways!
And I can back this up scripturally. After all, "Adam fell that men might be: and men are, that they might have joy." 2Nephi 2:25
"...And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life...or to choose captivity and death, according to the...power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." 2Nephi 2:27
You see, mankind is meant to have joy, and in my book chocolate helps. I mean, don't get me wrong, you still need obedience and righteous living, but the chocolate is the icing on the cake. Especially when the cake and icing are chocolate too.
Satan, on the other hand, has no body, and therefore has no way to consume delicious, delectable, chocolate. That, among other things, makes him miserable. So he turns the yummy treats into not too good fatty tissue. That way makind can be as miserable as he is. That is also the reason that scales were invented. Yeah, I said it, scales and fat are tools of the devil.
Think about it

Husbands say the darndest things

I have to preface this by saying that I really and truly love Danny very verrry much. And one of the things I love about him is his ability to make me laugh. That being said . . .
Earlier this week, Danny was telling me that a lot of his family members (even the ones in Illinois) have been asking him lately if I am pregnant. This sparked the question, "honey, do you want to tell me anything?" (Just to clear up any confusion, we're still trying). This confused me, after all, most of the people asking don't see me on a regular basis; although the fact that several of the guys I work with have asked the same question has me feeling quite sad and insecure. Sara was the one to finally explain to me that Danny has been saying, "we'll know by the end of the week if she's pregnant"
Now, he said that, but we really have no unusuall circumstances to point to signs of pregnancy (if you can figure out what he meant, extra credit to you-hint, it will probably be more obvious to the ladies out there!) And that's why so many folks have been asking him, and why he thought I might need to tell him something.
When he asked me that question though, I hadn't talked to Sara, and I was just feeling insecure, so I broke down and appologized to Dan. Here's how that conversation went:

me: "I'm sorry that you have to be married to a cow like me. I'm not pregnant, I'm just tubby. And everyone knows it. I bet they make fun of you about me all the time."
Dan: "I know you're not pregnant. It's ok; you're not fat with child"
me: "Wah, I'm not even with child, I'm just fat!!!!!!! ..hic, sob"
Dan: "I meant great. You're not great"
me: "sob, wah-ahhh.....sob, hic....sob....sob....hic, more uncontrolable weeping and wailing"
Dan: "I was trying to go all Biblical on you. I meant you're not great with child, not you're not fat with child. But you have to admit, pregnant women do get bigger"

At which point I began hitting him with the pillow.

FINALLY OVER!!!!!!

As some, but not all of you know, there has been an ongoing lawsuit against my in-laws's homeowners insurance as a result of Devon's death. I did NOT start it, and only joined in because Mom(that's Dan's mom) made me. But it's finally all over. After months of arguing and soul searching and deciding if I even wanted to pursue this, I talked to an attourney. His name is Byrl Lane, and he's awesome, if you're ever in the market. It was a challenge to get through, because the lawyer that Joel (to be refered to in the future as butt faced jerk meanie loser terrible person) (or maybe just the jerk for short) hired was as terrrible as the jerk himself. (notice the three r's in terrrible, it's on purpose to show how bad his is, and also notice that the jerk is not capitalized as a proper noun should be---that's to show there's nothing proper about him!) He wrote mean, snarky letters to Sara and Justin to get them to drop the suit, and then to me, but I didn't give in. Maybe it's because I'm just so dang stubborn, and maybe it's because I didn't want to let him have it all, and maybe I just wanted to win against him. But mostly I did it because the letter said awful things about me, about Dan, about my fitness as a mother, and about the people I love. And to me, giving it up right then would be like me saying "you're right, I never thought of it that way. I really am a terrible person and I was an unfit mother. Please forgive me for wasting your time." Also it seemed so unjust that the jerk would profit from my son's death in multiple ways (did anyone hear about the "memorial fund" the Selvey's set up---cause I heard them telling people about it, but I have no clue what happened with it); and yet accecpt no finacial responsibity. He never even paid his half of the final expenses, or the medical bills.
Well, although the letter I got from the jerk and his lawyer said they were-"insulted and repulsed by the idea that Rachel and Dan Anderson would somehow profit by their gross negligence in the care for this innocent child...(and) If (Rachel) seeks fo recover funds from the homeowners' policy, (the jerk) will never agree to it. Litigation will be necessary."-yesterday we had a mediation session, at their request.
So, here's how my day yesterday went:
I woke up at about 11:00, wandered into the living room and kissed Danny on the forehead. I asked him if he had a minute and if we could go into the bedroom...wink wink, nudge nudge. Just kidding, this is a family friendly blog. Strike the wink wink, nudge nudge. And being the wonderful and thoughtful husband that he is, I didn't even have to ask him for a blessing, he just kissed me on the top of my head and asked if I was ready. Then came the fun task of wardrobe and hair. Unfortunatly I had misplaced my copy of Miss Manners' ettiquitte, so I was on my own to determine what one wears to the mediation of a wrongful death suit for their son. I finally settled on a long black skirt with a button up shirt. And this is important, because.....
11:30 am-I got on my trusty bicycle-remember my wardrobe selection?-and headed to the Lines home because my generous, magnanamous, wonderfuly gracious sister and brother-in-law had agreed to let me borrow their car to get to Bethany Home and Central.
By 1:30 I'm lost and running late. But I finally get there, and the mediator calls just the attourneys in. So I get to kill a lovely 45 min sitting at a table in a different room than the jerk, but positioned so that he is directly in my line of sight. And I have to say it even though it shows what a small and spiteful person I am. But he looked like a gas station attendant. Not like a clerk inside, but like the guy who spits his chewing tobacco and asks if he can clean your windshield while he's filling your tank. First of all, he wore a black biker-looking jacket with a ball cap and a short sleeved shirt. And he had let his hair grow to about shoulder length, so it has a bit of a redneck perm look going, and to top it all off; he has grown his goatee out to about 2 1/2 to 3 inches long and it's stringy and greasy looking. Actually I do kind of feel better.
Long story short, it took three and a half hours for his lawyer and the mediatior to talk sense into him, and only about 15 min for my lawyer and I to decide the minimum we would accecpt. Let's just say, the jerk made his true personality known to all-including his lawyer who admitted to having a "client control" problem. And at one point either he or his atourney admitted that he was being such an insufferable pain to hurt me. He did end up with a slightly larger settlement than I did, but it was never about money to me. That's one of the reasons I set what I would settle for and never changed it, I was absolutly unwilling to haggle and set a price for my son's life. Regardless of who gets what and how much, it will never be equal to the value of my son's life.
It's kind of intersting, but when I went in for the divorce and custody procedings, I got a blessing right before. And I was told that "Heavenly Father knows the righteous desires of your heart and wants Devon to be with you as a part of your new family" I was disappointed that day that I didn't get full custody and everything else I had asked for, but it ended up happening in a way I would never have expected. Danny and Devon and I get to be sealed together as an eternal family this summer. Devon will be a part of my new family. And another kinda funny coincidence Danny pointed out to me after it was all done is that when we started seeing each other again, and he got to know and love Devon, he actually asked if I thought the jerk would take money to renounce his parental rights so Danny could have Devon. And today that's kind of what he did. He will get a check in the mail, and that is his buy-out price for Devon. But Danny and I get to see him again. We will get to hold him again, and hear him call us Mom-ee and Dad. I guess it just goes to show that the Lord works in mysterious ways.
I know this post has gone on forver, but bear with me, I'm almost done. I want to share with everyone that I KNOW that there is a plan, and that trials and heartache are for a reason. And I believe that in the Spirit World before we come to Earth we choose some of the trial that we will go through. I can picture myself saying, I can handle that, I'll do it; not realizing how difficult it really would be. I do that now. And I wonder if Devon and Emma are in Heaven right now saying "come on, we talked about this and we agreed to go through this, don't you remember? Don't cry we're ok. Come on, you can do it" Actually in that scenario I picture Devon kind of frustrated because he can't put his arms around us and hug us and protect us like he wants to. He was little, but he was a protector and guardian to those he loved. And I can see Emma reminding him that we can't remeber because of the veil. And in her little Emma way trying to console him, just like she did when he was in time-out.
I know that one day I will see my son again, and that day will be so sweet to me because I miss him, but also because I know at that time I'll have my whole family together forever. I know that if we live righteously and obey the sommandments we will have our reward. Think about what a blessing that is. No matter what, as long as we all live worthily, we will be able to be with the ones we lvoe forever, and nothing can separate us, except our choices.
I know that missionaries are extrodinary, and really really smart. We had the sisters over for dinner Saturday and they challenged Danny, me, Suzanne and Ryan to pray to find out one thing Heavenly Father wants us to do so that we can be more happy. I thought I knew what my answer would be, so I didn't even ask, I just started doing it. But I realized that while praying more often would make me happier, it wasn't the simple thing that would bring me joy and peace. Forgiveness. I'm not willing to name any names, but there was a person who in my heart I felt anger and resentment towards. And yesterday afternoon, as the mediation went on and finally ended I realized that I had nothing to be angry about. And that time is short, life is precious. And there's no sense wasting it being angry and hate-filled. Today I finally let go of that and I felt a literal weight being lifted from me.
That's not quite it actually, it was like the weight was a blanket, covering every part of me. Or like a second skin I was wearing that was weighing me down. So my preachy message for today is forgive, and let go. In the end, you're not hurting the person you're mad at nearly as much as you're hurting yourself. And on that note, I think it's way past time I went to bed, since I'll be in way more trouble than I already am if I'm still up in 10 min when Danny wakes up.